"I think that I am familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this particular problem until it swims up and bites you on the ass!"
Some days the previous incarnation of you comes back. Maybe an off remark you made to someone which has now snowballed and changed their entire outlook on life.Maybe a stalker with a new caller ID but the same wild delusions and assertions you once mistakenly allowed. Maybe a shitty mistake you made that helped spurr you to change and become who you are today.
And maybe some days, it's just all of the above.
So I've been revelling alot in past mistakes and the dozen or so ways I could have handled situations and if I would change them. Or indeed myself. This then doubled at the return of a couple of people in my life I had thought I'd sealed out quite successfully - an engaged couple who had tried to seduce me into a threesome and took no as a hearty challenge. And straight as a little bit curious. All this has done is heighten the current plague of the singles I've been suffering; a handful of perfect people who could take me to heaven (or at least a far more interesting equivelant) and logistics just get in the way.
If there's hope, then my mind seems set on hunting it down to no end.
And if there isn't hope, then I'm just left to dwell on why that is. 2015 is to be the year of focusing on making myself a more appealing partner to consider, and that has in more recent weeks taken to be looked at as a years worth of faults that need to be 'corrected'. And what would remain if I did? Would I be the person I'm comfortable enough with to leave a quick snappy comment with enough bite for a gasp but enough wit for a laugh to overthrow it, who also manages to seem quite set on poverty through over abdundance of charity. Indeed I haven't even kept a share of profits for the book in quite some months.
And then of course there was the big one. THAT one. The triple threat of having my face burn off a couple of layers of skin through some freak skin cream accident, followed by information that my rent claims have been ignored and cancelled, saddling me with £400 (now almost £600 as I type), and then almost immediately after find out that despite having paid £95 of my £152 remaining Council Tax charges, I was informed I had £397 outstanding and would be facing court proceedings.
Even now, despite finding enough evidence to physically prove their incompetance as sole cause, I can't help but feel some guilt plaguing me. I've literally found myself condemning me with "But I KNOW their incompetant so I should have pursued even more than I had been doing." Where could it end?
I'm sorry this entry lacks focus, but that's kind of my life right now. It's just been all over the place; a big dollop of wibbly wobbly feelings going all over the place at all times. I've not given up, but I feel some aspects of me have certainly at least taken a sebatical until at least one of the problems gets a resolution. Ideally a cheesy sitcom one tying up all possible loose ends so as to never return again.
